Building Up My Marriage: Submitting to My Husband

Ephesians 5:22-24 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands."

I know I've taken about a month hiatus from posting on Building Up a Marriage, but with things beginning to settle down after the birth of our daughter, I think I'm ready to dig back in. Please feel free to catch up by reading posts 1 and 2 about building up a marriage. Remember in the first post of this series when I mentioned the strange looks we get when people learn of our views on submission? Well, today I'm going to try to tackle that subject.
In our culture, the word submission has become synonymous with the word subservient. But when we look at it biblically, we see that there is nothing about submission that makes us inferior, but instead that it displays imperishable beauty. God chooses women to display, in tangible terms, a key element of the Son's relationship to the Father, and the church's relationship to the Son, and to do this through biblical submission to our husbands.
1 Corinthians 11:3 says, "But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God." Now, nothing about Christ is inferior to the Father; Indeed, we can all agree that they are equal. Yet they have different roles. Time and time again, we see Jesus submit Himself to the Father's will, even to the point of death on a cross. (Philippians 2:5-8, Mark 14:36, Luke 22:27, John 6:38)
In Ephesians 5:22-24 we see that biblical submission in our marriage is also a picture of the wonderful relationship between Christ and the church. Just as the church submits in everything to Christ, we should submit to our husbands...in everything.
Christ's submission to the Father and the church's submission to Christ don't include lackadaisical attitudes, "door-mat" mentalities, or silent subservient positions. These examples of true biblical submission require radical action, through the attitude of love and servanthood, that makes a radical difference.
Let's get practical...What about those times when we know our husband is not making the best decision (assuming he's not sinning)? For example, I may have great, justifiable reasons for thinking...no, knowing, that our family would benefit much more from investing in a camper rather than pouring money into an old cabin in the middle of nowhere. We could visit different state and national parks, the kids could experience so much history, we could hike trails and go canoeing, we could have family worship around the campfire, pass out tracts in the campground, and the list goes on and on, convincing my heart that I am right and my husband is wrong.
So what do I do? Voice my opinion over and over, doing everything in my power to convince him that my idea is better? Or do I submit to my husband by the power of the love that God has placed in my heart for him, have a positive attitude about the fixer-upper, see it as a way to make memories with our family, an opportunity for glorifying God, try to catch my husband's vision through this? The latter option requires action. It is through this attitude that a wife can have a wonderful, loving impact on her husband and children. Because, whether we want it to or not, our attitude sets the tone for the whole family. A wife's attitude can turn a junky, old hunting cabin into a sweet family cottage, a delightful haven, full of fond memories, peaceful moments, and wondrous adventures.
But many times, I chose the first option: Convince myself of my husband's "faulty judgement," maybe convince myself that his motives are impure, and nag (or should I say "complain" since "nag" sounds sinful) him until I get my way, taking his role as the leader upon myself because "I know better than he does." So who really has the faulty judgement and impure motives: the husband with a vision or the wife who stomps her husband's vision into the dirt?
This may be a seemingly insignificant example, but in my experience it is in the small, daily encounters that I have the most difficulty submitting to my husband in love, while the "big" decisions usually require me to cling to a biblical perspective.
Oh wives, that we would see the joy that results from submitting to our husbands before we start with our constant dripping (Proverbs 27:15). Wifely submission is key to a biblically functioning marriage and becomes extra-crucial as children are added to the family. Submission (along with the other actions we'll discuss in this series) boils down to love and respect, considering our husband's desires before our own. When we have children, especially young children, who require much time and energy, it is this display of love and respect that shows our husbands where they rank in our hearts, even if our attention toward them can no longer be constantly undivided.
My self-challenge this week is to, by God's grace, be submissive to my husband in the little things, whether that's what we have for dinner, how we spend our Saturday, or what shirt he wants me to wear. I pray that I will be aware of my heart attitude and times that I'm not submitting to my husband's headship so I may quickly repent.
Submission really is a beautiful thing. I hope that through biblical submission, the Lord will use my marriage to reveal an aspect of a living Christ to a dieing world.

The Blessing of Birds



We found this bird craft from No Time for Flash Cards and
had a blast making it!

Before my husband leaves each morning, he puts our 18 month old in bed beside me, gives me a sweet kiss, and heads off work (or wuk, as Little Mister says). Then, around 7:00, Little Mister and I awake to Little Lady telling me that she's ready to nurse and the sound of the birds chirping in the trees in front of our house. While Little Mister sits in bed with me for the twenty-ish minutes that I nurse, we spend a lot of time listening to and talking about the birds: how they sound, what they use to build nests, how many eggs they may have, the food they will feed their babies, etc.  Since birds are such a hot topic in our house right now, I thought it might be fun to do some bird crafts! With the help of my sister, Brittney (Auntie Boota), we gathered supplies for a fun afternoon of bird crafting!

These tasty bird nests from Mama Jenn were super easy and fun
for this mama and her little one! (The only thing I would change would
be to use milk chocolate chips instead of simi-sweet chips, but
this is just a personal preference.)

Levi's favorite part was eating the "eggs"
or M&Ms out of the nests... notice the
blue lips...

And just for some added sweetness!

Something Beautiful: Lyla's Birth Story

     Around 1:30 in the morning on April 23rd, I woke up wondering if my water had broken or if my baby girl had strategically kicked me in the bladder, causing me to lose control as I slept. After calling the OB floor of the hospital (and learning from the nurse that there was no good way to distinguish ruptured membranes from bed wetting unless I was evaluated), my hubby and I packed a few last-minute items into our hospital bag, loaded our sleeping 17-month-old into the van, and headed 40 minutes south to our hospital. As we drove, my contractions began, tightening my abdomen every five minutes, then every three, and I was fairly certain that we would be meeting our little lady sometime within the next 24 hours. We met my mom (Nana) in the parking lot, transferred our big boy to her van, and I was wheeled to the delivery room.

Mommy loving on Lyla Rae

     To my relief, the test revealed that my water had, in fact, broken and labor was under way with my cervix dilated to two-and-a-half centimeters. I tried to rest, but the contractions intensified. I figured that this labor would reveal a similar timeline to my first, which lasted ten hours after I was given Pitocen, so I asked for an epidural and received it around 5:00 A.M. Partial relief came, however the pain continued to grip me in the lower right section of my abdomen. Anesthesiologist-number-two came in and administered more medication at 7:30, which caused my pain to cease along with any feeling left in my legs.
     At 8:00 my Obstetrician arrived to check my cervix. I was hoping to be dilated to five centimeters and planned on resting for the next several hours since contractions would no longer keep me awake. My doctor reminded the nurses that when I was fully dilated I had requested to "labor down" or allow the effects of the epidural to diminish before pushing. (I had requested this so I would be able to feel that I was actually pushing. With my first delivery, I was unable to feel if my pushes were effective. I think this was a contributing factor to my son getting slightly stuck in the birth canal, which required the use of a vacuum to assist me in pushing him out.) As he began to check my cervix, my doctor let out a little chuckle and said, "Speaking of which... You're fully dilated! Let's turn off that epidural."

My sweet babies, Levi and Lyla

     It took me some time to actually begin to gain feeling back. Around 9:30 my nurse instructed me to push through a few contractions as my husband helped me lift one of my legs and she lifted the other. These were "practice pushes" to check if my pushing would be effective. We made it through two contractions before I was asked to stop pushing while she called the doctor. The room then buzzed with familiar activity: Preparing the baby station, elevating my bed, my doctor scrubbing up. I felt as though it was just yesterday that I was in this same room, preparing to deliver my son. And here I was again, awaiting the arrival of my sweet baby girl, ready for the rush of excitement and love to flood over me.

Lyla's precious going-home outfit

     Finally, it was time to push. Contraction one: I pushed with all my might and the doctor showed my husband the top of our baby's head. Contraction two: I pushed with all my might and Hubby told me I was doing great and that our daughter was almost here. Contraction three: I pushed with all my might and Lyla Rae was screaming before her shoulders even emerged! I shocked that she had come so quickly (I was expecting another two-hour pushing marathon like I experienced with my son) and I was, of course, overwhelmed with love for this lovely little girl.

     Isn't it amazing that the Lord uses the process of something painful to reveal something so exceedingly beautiful! I am loving life as a mommy to my two, precious babies and a wife to the most wonderful husband and daddy in the world. I feel so undeserving of the blessings the Lord has lavished upon me and all I can do is give Him thanks and praise. What a wonderful Savior we serve, who gives us life, and life abundantly, in so many ways! "Marvelous are His works, and that my soul knows very well!"


Our car ride home

Bath Time!

Our little lady in her lovely room!



Sweet little smiles!

Big brother checking on baby sister!

Sweetness

Lyla Rae

Introducing our precious little lady...

Lyla Rae

 Monday, April 23, 2012

10:00 am

7 lbs. 7 oz.

20 inches

What a beautiful gift from God! His bountiful blessings have overwhelmed us! I'll be back to post Lyla's birth story in a few days.

Building Up a Marriage: Delight Yourself in the Lord

"Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4

I don't know of a married, Christian woman whose heart doesn't desire to build up a godly marriage. So before we go any further, we must begin with this most crucial aspect of our marriage: Delight yourself in the LORD. In order for us to even have the appropriate desires for our marriage, much less the capability to fulfill those desires, we must first delight in the LORD and His word.

When we truly delight in someone, we don't just keep them in the back of our mind, thinking only occasionally about what may be pleasing to that someone. We don't go about our day, planning whatever may strike our fancy without a thought as to what our "someone" may have in mind. And we don't strike up a conversation only to ask for help in a time of need or shout a quick, gracious comment in a time of joy.

No, when we truly delight in someone, we pursue their time and give them ours. We study that someone and all of their ways, learning what brings them pleasure. We search out new ways for our lives to reflect the love we have for our someone. This is how we should delight in the LORD.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that it can be difficult to "find time" to sit down and read the word of God and "take time" to pray when I'm running low on sleep, I only have 20 minutes until my 17-month-old wakes up (maybe less than 20 minutes before my newborn is ready to nurse), and last night's dishes are still in the sink, toddler-sized portions of yesterday's meal scattered on the kitchen floor, last-weekend's laundry waiting to be washed, and tonight's supper ready to be cooked. But, when we realize that the time we have is graciously given to us by the Lord, it makes it much easier to prioritize Him above the mess, and suddenly we aren't merely finding time to be with Him, we're consciously seeking time.

Delighting in God and His word is the beginning of building up our homes and marriages for Him. Knowing that it is the wise woman who builds her house, and the foolish woman who tears it down with her own hands (Proverbs 14:1), and knowing that the fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction (Proverbs 1:7), we clearly see that it is through His instruction that God makes us wise. When we daily seek Him and read His word, the Lord pours wisdom into the pool of our hearts until it overflows, and bubbles out through the brooks in our lives, giving life and beauty and peace. When we don't seek the Lord and His word however, the pool of our heart becomes little more than a stagnant puddle of good intentions.

As we read through the Bible, the Lord uses His word to convict and sanctify us in various aspects of our lives. And the beauty that results from this sanctification flows through the brooks, and into the larger stream that is marriage, all the while seeking the ultimate destination: the ocean that is glorifying God.

It can be assumed that nearly all who read this desire to build up their house for God, therefore must delight in God, and seek to become wise through the word of God. As we work to build a thriving marriage may we always remember this crucial principal: to delight in the LORD and strive to bring glory to His name.

Building Up My Marriage

Yesterday marked my 37th week of pregnancy and the Man of My Dreams and I realized that I have been pregnant for over half of our marriage and either pregnant or breastfeeding for all but 3 months! This got me thinking about all of the warnings we were given about how children (especially infants and toddlers) add so much stress to a marriage.
"Oh just wait...once this baby comes you won't have any time for intimacy."
"Even if you do have time for intimacy, you won't have the energy!"
"Ha! Forget the home-cooked meals when you're wife's chasing after kids!"
"Once you have kids, your freedom is out the window."
"Why are you having kids so soon? Aren't there things you want to do?"
...and this doesn't even include the You're-crazy looks we get when we mention that our view of marriage includes my husband being the leader of the family and me being under submission to him, raising our children to hold these same views.
But the wonderful thing is, by God's grace, I really feel that our marriage is flourishing. I can honestly say that I see something new to love in my husband almost every day, whether it's something he says, or does, or even something he doesn't say. And I think that many times, the Lord uses our children to draw my attention to these details of my husband. While there are definitely tough days when I seem to forget that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, and rough nights when in a sleepless fog patience is scarce, we grow in our love for one another constantly. Amazingly, we do still have time (and usually energy) for consistent intimacy. We still have home-cooked meals most days. Nothing can take away the most important freedom we have: freedom that is rooted in Christ, freedom from the punishment for our sin. We have a whole list of things we want to experience and our children can be included in nearly all of these. And having children has given my husband new opportunities to exercise leadership and me new opportunities to submit myself to him, further reflecting the church's relationship to Christ.
As the delivery of our second child nears, I want to keep record of many biblical practices within my marriage that help me to build up my house as the wise woman of Proverbs 14:1. It is not that I am an expert of any sort, but rather I want to keep record of the the principals the Lord is teaching me through His word, so I may look back on them, even on the most difficult of days, and be reminded of the many ways He has blessed my marriage and sanctified me. I pray that these principals may be an encouragement to your marriage, as well.

I am a: Life-Giver

"Blessed is everyone who fears the LORD, who walks in his ways! You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the LORD." -Psalm 128:1-4

Today, I'm 35 weeks pregnant, so this facet of my role as wife and mother is ever so dear to my heart. As excited as I am to be giving birth to a sweet baby girl, I don't ponder often enough the significance of God using my body as a vessel, a fruitful vine, to bring forth a brand new life into this world. And not only to birth into these surroundings, but a life to shape, train, nurture, and love. A life to raise in the fear and admonition of the LORD. A life that, I pray, will bring glory to God and magnify His holy name.

What a magnificent responsibility we have as mothers to freely allow God the use of our bodies and lives through pregnancy (if He has designed us to be fertile) and motherhood. And, oh, what a gift! Throughout both of my pregnancies I have been amazed at this baby inside of me being grown and sustained by the Lord, knitted together in my womb. In my life, few things have matched the indescribable joy that comes with that positive pregnancy test and the complete love that I feel for someone I've yet to meet. Each day I feel closer and closer to this beautiful life, as my bump emerges, as I hear the reassuring thump, thump of the heartbeat, as I see the reality of what is inside of me moving around like a jumping jelly bean on the ultrasound screen, as I feel those first bubbly movements, and as I feel those not-so-subtle jabs from a little one who is filling me up until I'm nearly sure there's no more room to grow. Yes, that full love grows and grows, filling me up until it matches my belly, which looks like it's about to burst. And you'd think that love would pique in those first overwhelming moments as this life, which has been knit together in secret, makes a grand appearance and is placed on my chest to nurse and coddle and love. But it just continues to grow deeper and stronger day after day after day.

It's a miracle and I am so thankful that I have a front row seat to view the Creator's handiwork! Yes, what a gift indeed, to be used by the King to bring forth life and raise a generation for His kingdom! Let us not forget that each and every life we bring into this world is a blessing, a reward, a reason to praise the LORD!

"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!" -Psalm 127:3-5a